The most embarassing recipe ever

So recently I was watching the Food Network and noticed that a show I'd seen in the States before, Southern at Heart with Damarias Philips, is now airing here. Which is great because sometimes it seems like the US line up is way better than the Canadian. The host was describing a "pot de creme" recipe using common household ingredients and it sounded awesome. So I memorized it, made it, ate it, and loved it. And I absolutely couldn't wait to share with you! Except... it's the most embarassing recipe ever. It is neither healthy, nor classy, nor culinarily accurate, nor the type of thing you want anyone to know that you made. That being said, it looks and tastes like perfection. So make it! Make it over and over. But never let anyone catch you!

TOTALLY EMBARASSING CHOCOLATE POT DE CREME

1 cup milk
1/4 cup cream
2/3 cup mayonnaise
3 T sugar
1 T vanilla
1 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp instant coffee
1 cup chocolate chips

In a small saucepan, warm up the first 7 ingredients, whisking til smooth. Keep the mix on medium to medium-low until small "simmering" bubbles appear, then turn off the heat. Whisk in the chocolate chips. When it has cooled just enough to not instantly heat-smash the glasses you want to serve it in, pour each serving into its own glass and let cool for a few hours. Top with whipped cream and berries if desired.