Life Update: Returning to Work

I don't think I'm the stay-at-home mom type. Not naturally, and for a few reasons:

• At the end of a day at home - despite trips to the park, long hours of learning and discovery, and wonderful memories - I lack a sense of accomplishment. I feel like I don't deserve to spend 8 - 9pm in front of the TV because I haven't "worked" yet. Perhaps a load of laundry or two would help this, ha ha.
• I have a real need to be around adults. I'm not even outgoing or talkative, but I love to be a quieter contributor to social situations. Going to mommy groups didn't quench this for me.
• I have crazy guilt about passing up amazing job opportunities. Like the following:

After much discussion, Calvin and I decided that I would accept an exciting job offer I was given by the YMCA, after months of volunteering with them while on maternity leave. To make this happen, Calvin is going to stay at home with Oliver for the last three months of our parental leave. In August he will return to TD and we'll need a new plan.

My first day was yesterday, and the shift itself was thrilling and wonderful, but leaving the house at 8:30am was as close I've gotten to bawling my eyes out in the past 24 years (watching the show Intervention also comes close). I suddenly felt like I was abandoning the family. I had pictures of Oliver screaming and clawing at the front door. I felt the weight of a thousand stay-at-home moms' judging eyes fall on me. It was hard.

But luckily, I was only gone until 1pm. Calvin did a great job of changing Oliver, bathing him, letting him play outside and with his indoor toys, feeding him and even getting a ton of house chores done. Apparently neither of them cried the whole time. So it's going to be okay! I had a double-electric breast pump and a son who doesn't mind "reverse cycling" (look it up) so we'll be okay.

But that's my update.

Have you been in a similar situation? Tell me your thoughts!