Life Update: Returning to Work

I don't think I'm the stay-at-home mom type. Not naturally, and for a few reasons:

• At the end of a day at home - despite trips to the park, long hours of learning and discovery, and wonderful memories - I lack a sense of accomplishment. I feel like I don't deserve to spend 8 - 9pm in front of the TV because I haven't "worked" yet. Perhaps a load of laundry or two would help this, ha ha.
• I have a real need to be around adults. I'm not even outgoing or talkative, but I love to be a quieter contributor to social situations. Going to mommy groups didn't quench this for me.
• I have crazy guilt about passing up amazing job opportunities. Like the following:

After much discussion, Calvin and I decided that I would accept an exciting job offer I was given by the YMCA, after months of volunteering with them while on maternity leave. To make this happen, Calvin is going to stay at home with Oliver for the last three months of our parental leave. In August he will return to TD and we'll need a new plan.

My first day was yesterday, and the shift itself was thrilling and wonderful, but leaving the house at 8:30am was as close I've gotten to bawling my eyes out in the past 24 years (watching the show Intervention also comes close). I suddenly felt like I was abandoning the family. I had pictures of Oliver screaming and clawing at the front door. I felt the weight of a thousand stay-at-home moms' judging eyes fall on me. It was hard.

But luckily, I was only gone until 1pm. Calvin did a great job of changing Oliver, bathing him, letting him play outside and with his indoor toys, feeding him and even getting a ton of house chores done. Apparently neither of them cried the whole time. So it's going to be okay! I had a double-electric breast pump and a son who doesn't mind "reverse cycling" (look it up) so we'll be okay.

But that's my update.

Have you been in a similar situation? Tell me your thoughts!

31 Days: Day 5

Alright, this is impossible. Some how unless my day involves very significant events I lose all ability to remember how I spent my hours by the next morning.

Yesterday... I know I made cranberry oatmeal for breakfast. I went for a long walk with Calvin and Oliver. Somewhere along the line we had tuna wraps for lunch. We checked the mail*. I drove Calvin to work and stopped at the police station for a criminal records check (I am going to be volunteering as a nutrition educator at the YMCA and would also like to start volunteering in my church's nursery). Then I hung out at my friend Megan's place, on Wortley Rd. Her son Kelan is 2 weeks older than Oliver so they became friends.

We had chai tea and bonded over countless similar experiences. I'm really glad to have her in my life. We walked down to Quarter Master because I had forgotten a bottle of mint chlorophyll in the staff fridge (Iron Man reminded me of this) and I got to visit with the old staff, plus some customers. Upon leaving to try and find my friend Alla I ran into her son who was also looking for her, and we began a journey of searching for her together. Once we did find her I went to the library (Canadian Living: Create, Update, Remake - DIY Projects for You, Your Family and Your Home) walked back to Megan's to get my car - ran into 3 friends working at burger joint extraordinaire, Relish - and then drove to get Cal. Then we went to East Side Mario's for my friend Ashley's 25th birthday. We chatted about mushrooms and baseball and buying condoms in a wheelchair. We forced Ashley to allow a Happy Birthday singing so that we could eat her cake. And I gave her a homemade present - 2 wood log coasters, tied in a grey yarn bracelet. With a homemade card that used rosemary as a tree in the design. After that we went to Calvin's parents' house to pick up a second hand breast pump that Jeff procured for me. (Was so hoping that his receptionist would blast JEFF YOUR BREAST PUMP IS HERE over the PA system - but no luck). Then I got really tired so we came home. I fell asleep reading "The Thrive Diet".

* In the mail was a free infant formula sample from Similac. Not only do I not know how they got my information, but I don't believe it's right to send unwanted samples to new moms. Dr. Sears says you're much more likely to "give up" breastfeeding if you have formula in the house. Think of the nursing relationships that could be saved if we met challenge with support instead of a way out. I understand that some people need formula and it saves lives, but it needs to be a last resort and not an easy decision. I plan to contact them about my discomfort with the situation and I might even drink the stuff myself since it's probably a decent meal replacement and I'm all for saving money :) What do you think?